Kick It With Donna episode 58 – Tough Love & Acceptance
Tough love and acceptance. My personal journey with my son and acceptance of a scar that runs down my abdomen.
Have any of you gone down the tough love road with your son or daughter? I have been an enabler with my son for years. Maybe his whole life. I paid his rent, bought him furniture, took him shopping twice a year for clothes. I took him out for dinner once a week. I paid for half his tuition.
The bottom line is I loved him and I didn’t want to see him struggle. Unfortunately, struggling is a normal part of life. Without it, you can’t succeed.
Why did I enable? I didn’t grow up with enabling. My parents divorced when I was eleven. There was no good will between my parents. I had to work for everything I needed and wanted. This wasn’t a bad thing. It gave me a strong work ethic and strength and resilience.
I’m not making excuses for why I enabled. Going back to the past helps me to understand the why. Did I enable because I wasn’t? Did I think I would be a better parent by giving my kids everything without them having to work for it?
After my son graduated SMU with a degree in finance, I was sure he would get a good paying job. He never even tried. He is now begging his dad for a job, and I have become his sworn enemy.
Where does this leave me? Strong in my belief that the tough love road is the only way he will learn to be financially independent. Do I miss him and still love him? Yes, I do.
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From my ATV accident in 2009, I suffered a TBI and had a lacerated liver and bowel perforations. They cut me open to address the liver and bowels. This left me with a scar down my abdomen and it didn’t make my day. No more bikinis for me! I tried two different non-invasive procedures to lessen the look of it, but was disappointed in the results.
My sweetheart and I went to Jamaica the first week in December. We picked an adult all inclusive resort in Ocho Rios. The reason we picked this resort was because they had an au natural beach a very short boat ride away. Neither one of us had ever gone to an au natural beach before. We teased each other about it for weeks. I felt so insecure about that scar. What if people stared? What if someone asked me what happened? Guest what? No one did. Nobody gave a crap about that scar, why should I??
I left Jamaica feeling like a new person. It took nine and a half years to finally accept that scar by going to a nude beach! Now I look at that scar as a badge of honor.
I feel honored to share my personal life with you. Thank you for listening.